Happy Friday to everybody and greetings from central New Jersey. Can’t lie, after Tuesday and Wednesday I never thought I would be dry again, let alone ever see the sun again. So sunny and cool is OK with me today. All right, this is it. The final week of Twin Cities football before the postseason. One last chance for teams to get into the dance as they say in the business. To the recaps.
WEEK 12 RECAPS
Apache Chief 68.96
Terranova wins a nailbiter thanks to a safety by the Chiefs defense. Kirk Cousins also had a huge day in a Thanksgiving loss to Dallas…what a loser. Catwomen have won four in a row while the Flash sees his playoff hopes dashed.
Green Lantern 140.52
FC Aquaman 106.30
Captain Atom 75.54
The Toxic Avenger 122.86
What offenses by the league’s three best squads! Go get your fucking shineboxes, rest of the Twin Cities…
Mariota and Hyde lead the way for Shazam, who has essentially wrapped up a postseason berth with a record of 8-5. Batman drops to 7-4 and will now need to win and get some help somewhere.
So this game happened last week as well. Jill wins and prolongs the plastic agony.
THE POOBAH SPEAKS
ONE LAST GIMME
The Giants were able to win their sixth….SIXTH!….straight game on Sunday against the dumpster fire that is the Cleveland Browns. I can’t lie, The Poobah was hoping for a dominating performance against a team that hasn’t won a game since 2015. Instead we had a scoreless tie until at least midway through the second quarter. But whatever, right? A win is a win, right? It just seems like I keep saying that. Which is good, because it means the Giants are piling up victories. But it’s not so good, because they have muddled their way through the softest part of their schedule.
Jason Pierre-Paul was a wrecking crew all by himself. Seven tackles, three sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery returned for a touchdown? Christ, that’s a good month for a player. Hard to believe that JPP has been this effective and this disruptive all while having a right hand that would make Luke Skywalker blush. Let’s hope he keeps this up and that he has good conditioning this season. Him and Vernon and played virtually every defensive down this year. I worry that one or both of them will start to tire or break down. That crack Giants medical staff has their work cut out for them.
The offense was just good enough. Nothing more, nothing less. They didn’t get too much going all day. The run game was totally uninspiring. The pass game was “blah” except for a really nice catch and run by Beckham. It was interesting seeing Beckham returning punts for the first time in a couple of years. And not a moment too soon, as watching Bobby Rainey return punts is akin to watching a kid learning to ride a bike. There will be a crash, you just don’t know when. But Beckham looked great back there. He had a 59 yard touchdown and a 27 yard return as well. Oh wait. Of course they were nullified by penalties because…..Giants special teams, of course. But they didn’t target Shepard at all on Sunday. Not once! Huh? Hopefully they can get a spark from a (hopefully) returning Shane Vereen, who allegedly may be back for next week’s game. His presence certainly would open things up a bit.
But make no mistake, this was the last easy game the Giants will have. The last five games have been against teams with a combined 14-40-1 record. And although you beat the team that’s in front of you, are we supposed to drink the Kool-Aid after every uninspiring, skin of their teeth win? Something tells me that what may have worked on defense against the shitbird Rams won’t work against the Steelers or Cowboys or Redskins or Lions. Odell running with abandon may not happen against those clubs either. But on the other hand, at least we get to see them have meaningful December games.
It’s time for the Giants to put on their big boy pants and have a seat at the grown up table. No more cupcakes on the schedule. No more Browns, no more Rams, no more Bengals, no more Ravens, no more Bears. We move onto something much more challenging. It starts late on Sunday in Pittsburgh against the Steelers. There’s an offense that will certain test the limits of a Giants defense that has been really good lately, albeit against the garbage of the NFL. Instead of Eddie Royal they get to try and cover Antonio Brown. Instead of Isiah Crowell, they get to try and stop Leveon Bell. Instead of trying to sack Case Keenum, they have to stop Ben Roethlisberger. A different level of opposition. The Giants are a six point underdog in this one. Now the Steelers defense is not great this year, but then again, the Giants offense is not good this year. But this is it. After this there is a true measuring stick game next Sunday night at home against the Cowboys. Followed by the resilient Lions, the pain the ass Eagles and the resurgent Redskins. I HATE the rest of the schedule. Just hate it. Thank God they’re already at eight wins. They will be hard pressed to get more as we move through December. They’ll have to be better and we all have to hope they can rise to the occasion in these final five weeks. VAMOS!!!!
More good stuff from our President elect this week. During the campaign we heard constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY how “Hillary was a lapdog for Goldman Sachs” and “Hillary is controlled by Goldman Sachs”. And I din’t think he was wrong. She clearly was cozied up to Goldman, and that has to give anyone pause about how she’d act in office because she took so much money from them to give speeches and so on. But then I look this week, and it seems as if everyone Our Great Leader is installing into big positions all come from or have close ties to fucking Goldman Sachs. You can’t make it up. Then after blustering that companies who move jobs out of the US will be punished, he oversees a deal where Indiana pays millions to Carrier in order to keep 1,000 jobs in that state, as the company continues its plan to move at least that many jobs to Mexico. BIG WIN! TREMENDOUS! Again, I sincerely hope he does good things for the country, but yikes.
Is Rudy Giuliani, that fucking human dildo, really going to be Secretary of State. A guy who yells and screams during a TV interview is going to be our top diplomat? Who was his competition, Jim Harbaugh? Mexico isn’t going to pay for a wall, Jim?
Germany is still taking in lots of Syrian refugees, Jim?
The Russians won’t return our calls, Jim?
And that is still more palatable than Giuliani. A guy who talks so tough on terrorism in public and yet has taken money from an Iranian group that has murdered US citizens. And then he actively tried to get them taken off our Terror Watch List. Fuck that asshole seven ways until Sunday.
Also, Trump’s Twitter game remains very strong. Earlier in the week, for no apparent reason, he send out a missive saying that if an American burns the flag, they should either be thrown out of the country or spend a year in jail. Hmmmm. I mean, it’s a constitutionally protected right to do that. That’s also been upheld by the Supreme Court, and one of the supporting voices came from Antonin Scalia, who was as far from liberal as humanly possible. It’s not something I would ever do, and I find it silly and a little distasteful that anyone would do that, but whatever. Looking forward to next week, when Trump tweets that anyone who doesn’t wear a “Make America Great Again” should be forced to build the wall on the Mexican border. He also tweeted that he would have won the popular vote if their weren’t millions of illegal votes. Huh? U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!
Great job by the Mets in bringing back Yoenis Cespedes for the next four years. His bat is probably the most important one the Mets have, and to lose him would’ve been tough. And with the new CBA mandating another four or five off days during the season, Cespedes will have more time to patronize Douglaston, Clearview and Kissena golf courses!
Enjoyed an article this week about the college football powers that be getting all worried that Navy might actually be good and make a big bowl. It apparently will “paralyze” the entire bowl system. Can you think of a more deserving group to have something like this happen to than these dodo birds? The entire college football “business”, where schools and networks make hundreds of millions off of unpaid college kids, is so goddamn unseemly. I hope everything gets screwed. God forbid the committee can’t figure out which two 5-7 teams should meet for the right to win the Farmersonly.com Bowl.
Hearty congratulations are in order for Jeff Fisher, who passed Tom Landry to become the second losingest coach in the history of professional football! Currently at 4-7, if the Rams lose 3 of their last 5, Fisher will take his rightful place as number one on the all time list. Quite an accomplishment. Never forget this diatribe during this year’s preseason from a guy who has exactly 6 winning seasons in 22 years of coaching…
Attaboy, Jeff! Onward!
Such a shame that entire area in Tennessee (Gatlinburg, I believe?) pretty much burned to the ground this week. An entire community built in an area literally surrounded by old charred trees and forest, and is positioned in an area literally called The Great Smoky Mountains just went up in flames. Go figure. Really terrible news for lots of people down there though. Especially so close to the holidays.
It seems that new Harry Potter play will be coming to Broadway in the spring of 2018. Mrs. Poobah and the little Poobahs read the book (screenplay, dialogue…whatever I don’t know what it’s called…I’m an uncultured heathen….my idea of culture was taking Mrs. Poobah to see Pearl Jam earlier this year) and they said it was very good. I will read it over the holiday break for sure. And we’ll probably go see this, as long as prices aren’t ridiculous. Just thinking though, JK Rowling’s story is amazing. Single mom, living on the dole, typing the book on a typewriter because she didn’t have money for a computer, then having the story rejected by several publishing houses. Now a billionaire. Good for her. An amazing success story.
The Cowboys continue to roll. Another win last night. They haven’t lost since Kickoff weekend to our heroes in blue. The Vikings had a chance to tie the game with a two point conversion with a few seconds left, but Sam Bradford overthrew the receiver. He was hit in the head by a Cowboys defender, but shockingly, SHOCKINGLY, nothing was called on the Cowboys. The ref than went to Bradford and said the hit was legal and that he wasn’t hit in the head. Really? Really?
Fucking Cowboys. Makes you want to put a tin foil hat on for sure. Meanwhile, Gronkowski is out for the season with another back issue for the Patriots. But do really still see any AFC team beating them? Does Derek Carr, Alex Smith or Trevor Siemian scare you in a big spot? I didn’t think so. Still, it will be more hosannahs for Tom Brady and how wonderful and amazing he is when the Pats march through the playoffs. BOO.
Dear Harry, my owner recently decided to liven things up and get another pet. So now I’m forced to share the house with a cat. A little grey cat. And the cat is an asshole, as all cats are. Any ideas on how to cope? Thanks
Otis – Farmingdale, NY
Otis, thanks for your note. That’s tough. You’re used to being the center of the world and then suddenly, you’re not. So it’s tough. Especially when the other party is a bitch of a cat. It’s a tough spot and apologies you have to go through this. One suggestion I have to watch old “Tom & Jerry” episodes where Spike the dog is featured. Do you remember how he would torment Tom and kick the shot out of him? God, I get aroused just thinking about that. That will at least get your spirits up. You could also just eat the fucking cat. Good luck!
SONGS FROM THE POOBAH SPOTIFY
SOS (Overboard) – Joseph
I’ll Be Around – The Spinners
All In The Family – The Revivalists
Learning To Fly – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
All The Young Dudes – Mott the Hoople
Where The Devil Don’t Stay – Drive-By Truckers
She’s Waiting – Eric Clapton
Company Man – Jamestown Revival
Overjoyed – Stevie Wonder
- FC Aquaman The team to beat
- Green Lantern Rolling into playoffs
- The Toxic Avenger Same for the avengers
- Darkseid Looking to be the dark horse
- Shazam Solid team…a tough out
- Apache Chief Needs to do a rain dance
- Batman Needs some help
- Huntress Brutal second half of the year
- Catwomen Great second half
- Flash Crusher of a loss
- Captain Atom Will beat our ass this week
- Brainiac Disappointing season
- Superman Very meek title defense
- Plastic Man R.I.P. Plastic Man
WEEK 13 AT A GLANCE
While splitting some pasta and vegetables with Maggie and Conor last night, the following picks were made:
Daddy continues to limp home
Commish ends the season on a high note
Lanterns march on
As do the avengers
As does aquaman
Dan edges Celo in brotherly battle
Batman finishes the season and makes the playoffs
LAST WEEK: 5-2